Once upon a time, there was a beautiful woman named Mrs. Goins. Although beauty was her strong suit, discernment wasn’t. Being the fairest lady of the land, she had the bright idea to take her prince to the coldest night at the drive-in movie in the history of movies.

Not only was she un-discerning, but Mrs. Goins was determined. With strong will, she declared that the two films the love of her life and she would see were none others than the Academy-Award-acclaimed Beverly Hills Chihuahua and the instant classic Igor.

Continuing in her self-confident way of ruling the land (and her husband), she called a banquet in her honor: a whole pizza feast washed down with two goblets of soda. Following the first film in honor of the clever, Mexican token pups, Mrs. Goins felt a particular ache that she hadn’t sensed since the last time she tasted chocolate – it was her sweet tooth. Minutes later, her most humble servant returned with freezing hands and a deliciously nutritious funnel cake dessert. Given the sheer exquisiteness of the food (and classy dining), little can be remembered of the actual royal movies watched (other than the fact that they probably weren’t worth all the shivering).

The following day, Mrs. Goins took her prince to enjoy the company of one of her favorite subjects – Mr. Pumpkin-face Donut at Krispy Kreme. After that, our two heroes set out to find a gourd appropriate for her majesty’s soon-to-be-chariot.

Yet, when informed that this story wasn’t Cinderella, she was sorely disappointed, realizing all she got out of the deal was a pumpkin with stringy insides. Her prince, Sir Jeffery, was satisfied with his gallon of apple cider, which has earned his special favor in the castle (rumors circulate that Mrs. Goins is planning on “doing away” with said cider out of jealousy for the affection Sir Jeffery shows towards it).

After picking out pumpkins (one with an abnormally large stem – maybe it’s an antenna), they attended a ball, but instead of dancing, there was chili, overalls, and rock stars (only in Nashville). It was a night to remember (especially because Mrs. Ashley’s prince was feeling the chili for at least the next 24 hours).

And they lived happily ever after (with some pumpkin complications, flatulence, and frost bite…)