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Once upon a time, there was a beautiful woman named Mrs. Goins. Although beauty was her strong suit, discernment wasn’t. Being the fairest lady of the land, she had the bright idea to take her prince to the coldest night at the drive-in movie in the history of movies.

Not only was she un-discerning, but Mrs. Goins was determined. With strong will, she declared that the two films the love of her life and she would see were none others than the Academy-Award-acclaimed Beverly Hills Chihuahua and the instant classic Igor.

Continuing in her self-confident way of ruling the land (and her husband), she called a banquet in her honor: a whole pizza feast washed down with two goblets of soda. Following the first film in honor of the clever, Mexican token pups, Mrs. Goins felt a particular ache that she hadn’t sensed since the last time she tasted chocolate – it was her sweet tooth. Minutes later, her most humble servant returned with freezing hands and a deliciously nutritious funnel cake dessert. Given the sheer exquisiteness of the food (and classy dining), little can be remembered of the actual royal movies watched (other than the fact that they probably weren’t worth all the shivering).

The following day, Mrs. Goins took her prince to enjoy the company of one of her favorite subjects – Mr. Pumpkin-face Donut at Krispy Kreme. After that, our two heroes set out to find a gourd appropriate for her majesty’s soon-to-be-chariot.

Yet, when informed that this story wasn’t Cinderella, she was sorely disappointed, realizing all she got out of the deal was a pumpkin with stringy insides. Her prince, Sir Jeffery, was satisfied with his gallon of apple cider, which has earned his special favor in the castle (rumors circulate that Mrs. Goins is planning on “doing away” with said cider out of jealousy for the affection Sir Jeffery shows towards it).

After picking out pumpkins (one with an abnormally large stem – maybe it’s an antenna), they attended a ball, but instead of dancing, there was chili, overalls, and rock stars (only in Nashville). It was a night to remember (especially because Mrs. Ashley’s prince was feeling the chili for at least the next 24 hours).

And they lived happily ever after (with some pumpkin complications, flatulence, and frost bite…)


Emails from Jeff throughout our years of togetherness.  I have hundreds more of these… hundreds. AND he writes me songs too.  That’s another reason.  🙂

Sent:  Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Subject:  I just have to say…

… that you’re my best friend.

I love you and am so blessed to spend my life with you.  Thank you for everything.
Sent:  Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Subject:  I
I, eye, aye, I.

Sent:  Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Subject:  Love

Love, adore, desire, want, admire,
dream of, te quiero, je t’ame, amore, love.

Sent:  Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Subject:  You

You, U, ewe, yew, Ashley, my wife, my lover, my best friend, my dream come true, my fair one, my beloved, You.

I love you and can’t wait for you to come home tonight.
Sent:  Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Subject:  I want to see you…
Sent:  Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Subject:  With respect…
Most Admirable and Worthy Woman of God,

Would you entreat me the pleasure of accompanying me in the viewing of a fine film this wonder-filled eve of the Fifth day in the glorious month of December in the year of our Lord Two Thousand and Six?  I eagerly desire to sit betwixt thee and a bin full to the throes of popped corn kernels.  Might I have your hand in this occasion, my lady, if Providence does so permit?

Your Suitor,
Jeffery Keith Goins, the Second, Esquire
Sent:  Wednesday, July 19, 2006
May my arms fall off before they tire of embracing you.

cheesy, but true.  that’s me.

Sent:  Friday, June 2, 2006
Subject:  I know you’re busy, so…
I just want you to know that I think you’re amazing and want today for you to be fabulous.

Oh, and I want you to know that I am yours.  Yeah, you can smile about that.  It’s okay.  It’s true.  And I’m so glad it is.


Sent:  Friday, June 2, 2006
Subject:  Yes!  You got it!

My day will be better just knowing you’re smiling…
Sent:  Tuesday, January 10, 2006
… have a great day.  I’ll be thinking of your face and all the wonderful expressions and shapes it makes.  I’m glad I stared at it for so long while we were together.  I don’t even need a photograph to recall your face.
Sent:  Tuesday, December 20, 2005
… as for the hugs, get a tally count, and i intend to buy myself out of debt.

Sent:  Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Actually, you’re right on.  I’m glad I found you.

This is me being serious…

Sent:  Monday, October 3, 2005
… I love praying for you and thinking about you.  i love the focus you provide in my life.  i delight in dreaming of the future.  i revel in the present story we share.  thank you for your beauty which pervades your entire being and hits my very heart…